A quick list of debilitating things that can stop a person in their tracks whilst trying to be creative/follow their dreams/make music:
1 - self doubt
2 - perceived lack of interest from others in what you’re doing
3 - unfavourably comparing yourself to other musicians
4 - imposter syndrome
5 - nerves
I reckon I could have stopped at number 1 as it all comes from doubting yourself.
I regularly doubt or question myself. Sometimes it’s a brief feeling, and at other times it can feel all-consuming. And I’m sure I’m not alone.
The Thursday of Freezone was one of those moments where it overtook everything I was doing and all the way up to arriving at the festival was a bit of a mission. Pep talks and deep breathing did little to help but when I arrived I saw a sign.
I mean I literally saw a sign.
I’ve put a picture of it at the top of this post.
I saw this sign with “musicians” written on it and thought ‘oh cool, it’s nice that there’s a sign telling me where I need to go’ and then realised, I hadn’t given it a moment’s thought, I had just connected the musician sign with me… ‘musician, that’s me, that’s where I need to go… I am a musician’ and it blew all the negativity away.
Outlandish had a great night, we were very warmly received by the crowd and I danced with my very good friend and Outlandish band mate Kez after to various Stevie Wonder songs in a manner very becoming for the name of the festival we were playing at.
And Friday I got to play solo for over an hour (because I set up as quickly as I can) and sang originals and Abba and Queen covers that I am assured travelled all over the areas at Gaunts House as people told me they were singing along from their tents.
Saturday was possibly even better. A more uptempo Outlandish set got quite a sizeable crowd up and dancing and I could feel a little buzz about us when people around the festival were saying they were looking forward to seeing us. We were beset by various technical issues, including a personal hero moment for me when Kez sorted out a misbehaving guitar mid-song and got a huge round of applause when he got it working in time to finish the song we were on. As I said at the time, ‘as if my admiration for him could get any higher.’
Friends and family coming to see us and playing for Summer Live on Sunday in Bournemouth Square and a ridiculously energetic night for Outlandish at Chaplins on Monday were the icing on the cake but the festival, wow!
It was a really special few days and it felt good and positive and like I was meant to be where I was. And you know what helped me feel that? It was the little pointer that reassured me that I was going in the right direction.